Dear Friends, I have like this one primary problem that really does get me down. When I make any sort of mistake, I do feel as if I’ve ruined everything and that everybody hates me. I’m not hardly exaggerating, to be honest. It makes life increasingly difficult, because I keep on not being perfect, and never really measuring up.
Is it my Toxic Positivity, when I think I’m over all of my previous failures, and yet I still frequently make mistakes? I wish I were not so bad at beating myself up for being human, and perhaps we could all learn from this and be sweet to everybody else all the time, and sweet to ourselves? I know I can’t do it all, and certainly not all alone.
I’ve missed y’all the past few days, when I was stewing in my own inability, and ready to just give it all up. The blog, I mean. I clean ran out of ideas.
And today, when kindly reprimanded for a work mistake, I full-on wanted to kill myself, after not having thought this way for so long. i thought that I had turned a corner, but today I suffered with the ideation a little bit. Thank goodness I had a dental appointment, and got my teeth cleaned and polished up like a pair of new shoes.
I’m trying to Wake Up and Love Life and Be Healed and Be Well and Be Strong, but my efforts have been curtailed by my failure to get much of anything right, even though I keep showing up. Maybe I’ll feel brave enough for Church again sometime soon, and that would help. I could at least listen to my favorite radio station again, and learn some new songs about loving Jesus. Perhaps He has grown tired of my Girl Crush, and thinks I’m ready to be a fully fledged adult, completing tasks and stuff. Yeah, like I could really write a Devotional Study on anything, wanting only just to curl up on the floor and tie-dye some T-shirts for my Salvation, that has already been decided and freely given.
#Courage #Faith #Hope #Love #Self-Love #Self-Esteem #Blogging #Grace