Today I did not have to report to the workplace, and please know that I’m thankful and greatly appreciative of my full-time job. My MS has not overtaken me, nor my problematic mental health, that I cannot for the life of me properly identify. I’ve been diagnosed with a #Schizoaffective disorder, due to my delusional thinking in the past, and my terrible Depression. I’m pretty sure it’s not Bipolar Depression, but I do see how that could be how it may be construed. I think it depends upon whom you ask and when. My psychiatrist is even of this same mindset, as she basically gave me the “six of one, half-a-dozen of the other” talk. This is why psychiatry can be so debilitating, but essentially necessary. I do know that I need my meds.
This is my comprehension of my malady: I get super-duper depressed and even suicidal at times, and this occurs in a maddening, ongoing process or awareness or obsessiveness. Part of me holds on to the belief that I might grow out of all this, but as my years have advanced so very much, I’ve realized that maybe I just have a chronic condition. This is all complicated by the fact that I have a physical brain disease: multiple sclerosis, itself being quite chronic. I also think obsessively about mental illness care and the end of the world, in a delusional way, because I think sometimes that I’m a major player in the end of the world as a cognizant and gifted witness.. At least I don’t try to tell anyone about the end of the world, but I have in the past, once or twice, outside of like, you know, normal family relations. My poor mother and father.
At least now it’s quite apparent that we humans do need to get our act together regarding the end of the world, and it’s not like it hasn’t been tried to be completely pulled off in the past. And the environment, my precious friends, whatever shall we do? My currrent plan is to fend off the Apocalypse, and to try to overcome bad mojo on all fronts. I have one of those “Coexist” bumper stickers that I’m too chicken-shit to put on my car, mainly because I don’t want to attract any more off-kilter folks like myself, with whom to collectively muse about the end of the world.
Dear friends, it is better to think about making babies and stuff instead of all this. This is why we invented Space Travel, that elusive mistress of the future. I just wear my fitness tracker and try to exercise, and take medicine. On good days, I drink enough water to dilute the medicine, and get plenty of sleep. I’m not a lucid dreamer, praise God, and none of my science fiction fantasies have ever come true. My husband is a trooper, and I don’t try to get off my meds to make babies anymore. That ship has sailed, thank goodness. I think I might get into blood-donation, to further contribute and help out.
The moral of this story is, do not abuse substances in your youth, no glue-sniffing or anything, and please be careful with what you eat and drink, exercise, lift weights, and all around be good in general, and kind to everyone. Please don’t be afraid to “Coexist” and vote delusionary political figures out of office as much as you can. I think we do need to work on our planetary hygiene, and I apologize for whatever toxiins I might be introducing to all of you with my habits of personal grooming and diet, electricity and gasoline consumption. “Feed me, Seymour,” as one might say. It’s all quite an unusual predicament upon which we have situated our humanity, with plastics and the lot, and I hope that we do work it out in my lifetime, or that I just die and go to Heaven one day.
I think that in Heaven one does not ruminate like this! Take it easy, friends.
#MS #Depression #Schizoaffective #Environment #Clean #SpaceTravel #Hope #Life #Future