Forty Years!

For dese years that I have lived while not feeling quite right, thankfully, I must say that finally I’m feeling okay with this life. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate that I’m even here at all, but having been suicidal for so much of my lifespan leads me to recognize that yes, indeed, change is possible. Granted, I still have bad days, but it is almost like overcoming an addiction to learn to love life again.

Part of my recovery has been my Kate Spade bedspread. Dear Kate Spade did take her own life, and I cherish her memory, while loving my name-brand product that she inadverdently blessed me with. Seriously, I think of her memory every day because I see my bedspread, and I thank the good Lord that I have not taken my own life after obsessng over the idea for so long.

My cousin also did not make it, and I carry her memory in my heart as well. I trust that the afterlife takes into account the fluctuating and agonizingly tragic quality of living life on this difficult planet, and yet we keep on procreating. My choice has been to remain childless and to make art, but apparently I’m too lazy even to do that. Except, in my transformation that is currently occurring, I hold onto this promise. My art skills are lame, but every little bit of effort that I have begun to make, I see as the promise of a new day.

Now, I’ve been doing this for far too long, and I pray that out of this there will come some change. Every connection that I make leads me to believe that there must be some reason for this challenge of life on Earth. Now I want the planet to heal, I have faith that the planet will heal, and I trust in our Creator who made us to bring us all through. It is an honor and a privilige to be a human being, and I will no longer hate myself for that very reason. I’ll most likely have some awful days in the meantime, because life is so hard! But here is my message: as a human I can learn, change, resist, cherish, and trust in a Universe far greater and more amazing than myself, while also being careful in the process. Having pets, plants and family helps, too.

#Trust #Faith #Doggies #Cats #Hope #Sleep #Peace #Reason #Relief #Sharing #Conversations

2 thoughts on “Forty Years!

  1. Yes, we sure do need to take care of our mental health. Mindfulness of our vulnerability is a good start. I’ll definitely keep you in mind as well! Virtual hug, appropriately distant, of course. 🐢🐱

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s