You know how some people just get on your nerves for like fifteen years or more and then you just get over it? I tend to get mad at everyone, and frustrated with younglings who are not cool. I don’t think that Jesus would be proud or do that exactly, and I’ve been trying to be conscious of this in order to just get over my own self.
Actually I’m old enough that I’ve got friends from over twenty years ago that I’m still sad about, because my soul got injured by heartache and pain, and more precisely, chronic depression. I just happened to pick up a mental illness in my early twenties, and now I’m getting so old that I can at least see how silly I’ve been, and how my extreme emotions have not done a thing except keep me from making any sort of decent art, because of being afraid of not being good enough.
I’ve discovered by keeping this blog that I’m not necessarily a writer, ’cause really, it’s only a short page as far as I’m concerned. I’d much rather read, or watch tv. Actually, I’ve quit TV largely, except binge-watching noteworthy series. Maybe my tastes have changed. I think I did actually just get older, and I don’t really care so much anymore. I wish I could paint, but it’s so messy, so I just collect lipsticks. Music is so beautiful, but I’m really not inclined to understand how it is made, or smart enough with music smarts to learn anything.
Yes, my friends, I have just discovered the root of my mental illness, and it is that I’m not a natural born genius or hard worker of any sort, so for me life shall be one of customer service. I guess my parents got me braces to fix my crooked teeth for precisely this purpose. I really do try with my haircuts, too, but it’s always the same one I come back to, with variations of layering and length at times. Maybe if I can just keep on being married to my husband, get up and go to work, and at least be pleasant and sweet, for Christ’s sake.
#Peace #Jesus #Faithful #Ready #Positivity #Hopeful #Fluoxetine #Kindness #Devotion