Okay, really

So now that I’m getting older, I wonder about my #diagnosis from my twenties, and wonder if I am in fact healing, or just chasing around pill bottles. I know that I have some new #addictions, some of which are my therapeutic medicines. How do you get a straight answer about #psychiatry in this day and age of 2020?

I had a terrible substance abuse problem from college, alcohol and lots of pot, and it did ruin my life, but I was able to rally and start over, though with a #schizoaffectivedisorder. Then I applied my heart to getting over that, even getting education in #psychology and #counseloreducation. Unfortunately I suck at both, especially in trying to apply this knowledge to helping anybody else. Fortunately, my new #superpower is believing in faith and healing, and trusting in the passage of time and the power of the human body and mind to heal. I trust, that we all might #heal when given the opportunity. Unfortunately it is that said #opportunity that is so hard to come by, because we all have to work hard and bring home the bacon.

One of the things that was part of my struggle was, quite simply, #paranoia. I felt that everybody hated me, and worse, that everyone could hear the negative thoughts that occluded my brain and personal narrative. It was the fact that I felt that everybody was aware of my #thoughtbroadcasting that brought about the #schizo part of my diagnosis. This is changing after I’ve lived with this for twenty-five years, and I take my medicine.

Fortunately my internal narrative is becoming more positive, as I realize that there is really no time for #self-defeat. I can finally see that this is unnecessary, and that maybe I’m really okay. I love my home and my family, and have made wise decisions abut child-bearing and #birthcontrol and #psychmeds, but I won’t go into that today. And, of course, I can ususally do my applied #customerservice occupations that provide the #healthinsurance to treat all of this crap.

To provide the jobs of those #treating my various disorders. Yes, I have #MS, and am doing fairly well with that, #stillworking and #payingthebills. So yes, I’m sort of a professional #patient, and it is ridiculous that such an occupation exists, and maybe this is why I can’t join in with treating others. I doubt my personal efficacy as a #couselor or anything other than as a #twinkie. All I can do is make people smile on a good day, so I apply myself to that. I’m not a #teacher or #nurse of anything other than someone who will carry around a heart full of love, provided by JC.

Let’s all be sweet today, and #LoveOurNeighbors, get over mental illness, and #LoveOurselves. I wish you all great #Self-Care, kind readers, and pray that you all heal as best as you can. Please remember to #ThinkPositively. #peaceout.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s