I have a coffee habit, and I admit that I’m never going to stop it. Although making the transition to exclusively tea drinking is one of my goals, it doesn’t appear to be working.
In any case, it’s a great and thrilling beverage that does tamp down my #depression and make me more friendly. It’s probably adding to my anxiety, but I do take the 0.25 mg of Klonopin, and it’s a very good mix for my affect.
Really, if you want to know the truth, it would be better not to be so consumed by my habits. Life is a little bit better with chemistry, particularly if one has a mental illness that does not appear to be going away. I mean I feel alright, but there is the constant fear of thought broadcasting, which actually has been useful for healing my spirit and thought life. I really don’t have time for negative thinking, and so now I don’t ruminate about whatever it is that might be pissing me off. At least I’m happier by being medicated, and my psychiatrist is kind and thoughtful.
Herein lies the problem: what exactly is it that is going on collectively with all of the mental health #consumers that there must be so many of? Are we destined to be so chemically dependent upon our medicines that we must always take them forever until the day we die? I mean, is this shit killing me already? If so is it worth it for having a pleasant journey during the life challenge? I kind of think yes, and am quite content to have a shorter lifespan to facilitate a less nervous one. My strategy has been that of smaller dosages. It appears to be working right now.
All I know is that I’ve been careful not to have children while being medicated, and I think that is a blessing now, despite how desperately sad that it made me in the past. At least exercise is helping me with the fat belly a little, so I don’t get asked if I’m pregnant fifty million times a day. That was a problem for a while. It never made me cry in public, but almost.
Thankfully it’s #Sunday, so I went to church to worship and praise my Lord. This is making everything better, and taking away a lot of my mental illness. Unfortunately there are churches where they tell you not to take any medicine, but thankfully it’s kept personal at my church, as is my reproductive agenda. And I don’t really have an agenda, except to write children’s books about happy things and learning to love life. Life is so hard for so many kids, and #childrensbooks and #libraries are one of the best gifts of life out there. What would life be without #storytime?
My life’s purpose is not to be so sad, and to make life a better experience for those around me. So yes, I’ll take the meds over having a family. I have a husband and pets, and we all serve the Lord in our own little ways. Our goal is to promote health and wellness, and to write #songs in the car.