Part of my schizo-affective disorder is paranoia. I tend to think that people are talking about me, you know, like on TV and stuff, and it’s only recently that I’ve gotten out of this, mainly by not watching much TV.
I can read books okay, because they’re easier to put down in the scary parts, and I’m getting a lot better at reading again, and not just thinking of myself and my stupid life. Actually, I finally value my life again, and I’m getting better at selecting what I choose to read. This is a hard thing to explain to people, so I don’t. I just don’t keep up with all of the other literate people, and that is okay, right?
What also makes life challenging is the fact that I’ve got very few friends. Social media is killing me, but it’s mostly all I’ve got. I try to be sweet to everyone, but my husband’s friends are wearing me out. I don’t know if I’m their friend as well, and it’s annoying when we all spend time together, especially with my paranoia.
All of my other girlfriends have wandered out of my life, and there is the baby-making conundrum. I opted not to have children because of the psych meds and heritable traits that run in my blood, and I’m glad about this, as my husband is, too. It makes life so much easier to just be the two of us.
Unfortunately not having kids makes church hard, too, and that was the only option I really had for making new friends. Did you all forget how shy I am? Being lonely, I thought I’d make this stupid blog, my second attempt at that process. I guess I should go read some blog news now, and provide my obligatory hashtags.
#mentalhealth #schizophrenia #paranoia #poorselfesteem