Well, there is a lesson to be learned in everything. Confessing my sin of self-frustration yesterday has like totally cleaned my mind of the suicidality. And really, I know that is something said that might be highly doubted for like everyone in the world after having read yesterday’s post. The fact of the matter is- I released that pain by confessing it, and it’s really unfortunate because anybody doing so is automatically placed on the psych ward (not necessarily a place for getting better, except as a shock to the system), and this I feel, is part of the problem.
We need to be able to get help and ask for help and not be punished for feeling this way. It’s such a complicated matter, getting better, which I am doing right now, but it has been tough going, and yes I do feel that I can join a support group, and will do so.
In light of all of this good and bad I think of Kate Spade, and how that could have been me, despite my not being a world-class designer. 😉 But seriously, I did lose a cousin before I could ever understand what all that meant (I was 3) and I feel as if there can be a growth of hope in humanity beyond anti-depressants. Saving one’s life is about saving one’s life, and I praise the Lord that I’ve been able to start saving my life. I wish that Kate Spade could have had that turnaround, but I do not fault her at all for that particular instance, even though it must have brought pain to her survivors, just like how my family has never fully recovered after the death of my cousin.
So this post is not beautifully written, and it will be quick, but let’s all be thankful that this confession has not been on Facebook (cause you know “they’d” just put me on the psych ward.) Truly, all of this has just made me aware of the fact that positive motivation is what will keep me out of that place in my mind that wants to give up. Every day it will undoubtedly be proven that I’m not perfect, but I’ll do my best to do my best. And thankfully my particular medical regime is working for me currently, and I apologize to anyone who is not feeling quite right, right now.
My healing process has only been possible by my faith in my Lord Jesus Christ, and not by the threat of Hell, but in the promise of life that He has given me. For this reason, I will do my best to encourage everyone, not to bring them down, and to support whenever and however I can. That being said, I know that I will at times fail at this ambition, but I will trust His correction and His Ways, because I have no idea what any of this all means, what is this life and will trust that I will give Him that last dying breath in His time.
Later I will tell you all my cousin’s name, and I will continue to pray about wanting to live. You’re stuck with this blog, dear reader. Hope you come back. #mentalhealth